


Wanting Things

by fictionalcandie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-05
Updated: 2009-04-05
Packaged: 2018-04-14 17:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes some people longer than others to learn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting Things

James was lounging on the sofa that he thought of as his, even though it was in Sirius’s apartment. It was where James always sat when he came over, which was often, and whenever he was on the sofa, Sirius would situate himself on the floor next to it, sometimes with his back against it and sometimes not touching it at all, but always there, always close.

James often wondered why Sirius even bothered owning any furniture, as he never seemed to use it, not even the table and chairs in the kitchen — the only piece he was absolutely certain Sirius ever used was his bed, and even _that_ wasn’t because James had seen it, only because he knew Sirius would never sleep on a _floor_.

Perhaps Sirius _didn’t_ sleep.

After all, it was two in the morning and he wasn’t showing any signs of tiredness. James, on the other hand, was feeling slightly drowsy, in the pleasant way where he didn’t really feel compelled to sleep, just to not move very much, and sigh tiredly every few minutes. He thought, vaguely, that maybe he ought to go home soon.

He didn’t particularly want to.

His on-again, off-again relationship with Lily had just broken up for the fourth time in as many months, and he was doing what he always did when that happened — sit around with Sirius and not talk about anything unless they felt like it.

Silence with Sirius was better than speaking with other people.

Everything was better with Sirius.

Without really intending to, James gave one of those little, sleepy sighs.

Sirius was absently tracing phantom shapes in the air with the tip of his wand, and while James watched he thought. His fight with Lily this time had been over something he normally wouldn’t have cared about, just like the last fight had been, and just like last time, James wasn’t really sure he wanted her back. Oh, they’d make up their fight of course, it would be awkward not to, considering how close she was to Sirius — but James didn’t really think he would be _making up_ with her this time.

His eyes followed the smooth, graceful sweeps and twists of Sirius’s wand, a dark, slender length wrapped in pale, slender fingers. Another sigh slipped out.

James’s relationship with Lily had never really been all that serious. He didn’t think either of them had ever actually intended to get together, it had just sort of _happened_ one day while he hadn’t been paying attention, and the next time he’d looked they’d been sort-of-mostly going out for over two years. He’d never considered the question of whether he actually _wanted_ Lily.

He glanced at Sirius’s face, pale and serene in the light from the room’s lamps.

To James’s knowledge, Sirius had never had a serious relationship, or even a steady date; only a slew of one- or two-night stands, with a great many beautiful people, of both genders. James could still remember, exactly, how the faint shiver of surprise had felt, going down his spine, the first time he’d realized that Sirius dated men as well as women. That shiver had been followed by another, larger, of displeasure rather than surprise, but James made it a point never to remember _that_ one, because _James_ did _not_ get jealous, did not care if some other _man_ had touched what he could never quite avoid thinking of as _his_.

Sirius had told him once, because James had been pestering him for an explanation, that he didn’t really care whether people were men or women, just the way he didn’t care if they were blond or brunette or redhead — he simply saw things he wanted.

James occasionally wished he looked at things that simply, too. Or looked at them at all. Since Lily, he had to admit that he really didn’t pay that much attention to anyone. Certainly he didn’t pay enough to be noticing things in order to want them.

Sirius’s head tilted slightly as he twisted the wand in a more complicated pattern. James watched the way it changed the lines of his face, as Sirius finished with a flourish. A grin flashed across that face, and James sighed again, deliberately moving his gaze away.

Clothing rustled as Sirius slid his wand back away.

“… what’s it like?” James asked quietly, without really deciding to, his eyes on the ceiling.

Sirius turned his head. “What’s what like?”

“Kissing a man.”

“… ah,” murmured Sirius.

James held very still.

There was silence for several moments, not even the sound of their breathing breaking the quiet.

Then Sirius’s voice, lower than before. “Sit up, James.”

James sat up. Still not looking at Sirius, he swung his legs off the couch — and barely managed not to startle when Sirius moved to kneel between them. There was plenty of room, as James automatically moved so Sirius’s sides didn’t _quite_ brush against his jeans, but somehow the other man seemed to be taking up more space than he normally did.

James’s skin prickled all over, an expectant hum tingling through him.

“Kissing a man?” Sirius repeated, the words slow and precise, his voice gone all deep and smooth and dangerous.

About to nod, James saw Sirius raise his hand, and stilled, staring into grey eyes that had darkened to match that shivery voice.

The first touch of Sirius’s fingers against his face was far gentler than any they’d exchanged before, barely firm enough for James to notice and wonder at the softness of Sirius’s skin. It was warm, careful, deliberately sensual, and it made the tingle in James’s skin increase ‘til he thought he’d break apart at the edges.

“Sirius,” James murmured, fighting not to lean into the ridiculously soft caress.

Determination firmed Sirius’s face. A whispered “Like this,” and he bent forward.

Automatically, James’s eyes slipped closed.

He had expected it to feel weird, but it didn’t. Sirius’s lips were just another pair of lips. Firm, gentle lips brushing against his own, cool and a bit chapped but somehow still soft — just _lips_.

Sirius angled his head a little differently, his teeth caught James’s lower lip faintly, and James’s heart stuttered. Then something warm and wet slid across the spot Sirius had just bitten, and James’s lips parted with a small soundless gasp.

It was just a mouth, lips and teeth and tongue stroking hotly against his own, just a mouth.

Just _Sirius’s_ mouth.

He was starting to get dizzy when Sirius finally pulled away, and it struck James a little blindly that only their mouths had been touching, except where Sirius’s fingers still cradled his cheek with absurd tenderness. His own hands were sitting in his lap — only instead of being limp like before, they were clenched to fists, almost white-knuckled from trying not to reach for Sirius.

James opened his eyes.

Sirius was watching him, no smile on the lips James had just been devouring.

“I…” James started.

“I see things I want in lots of people, James,” Sirius said quietly, his words from that long-ago conversation sounding exactly the same, only this time they made _James_ want.

Something warm flashed in Sirius’s eyes.

“I’ve always seen the most in you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be read [here on LJ](http://gailsauce.livejournal.com/58572.html) and [here on DW](http://gailsauce.dreamwidth.org/57994.html?style=site).


End file.
